A Little Hot Beverage and a Whole Lotta God!

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going over to my pastors house to have warm drinks and conversation with his wife and some women from our e3 service.  I was excited for the opportunity to get to know some of these women I see every sunday a little bit better.

It is becoming more apparent to me each day that God has bigger plans than I can imagine. I have spent so much time lately thinking about the changes that God is throwing my way and all the exciting things to come. I tend to forget what God is doing in other people's lives. As I listened to all that was going on around me, I heard the different ways that God was working through these women and their families. One woman talked about how she and her husband are looking to start a home for children in the foster system that have attachment issues. Another woman talked about how she and her husband were in the process of adopting. I listened to the excitement coming from both of them. Both so excited to see how God was going to change their lives completely. But I could not ignore the women who were hurting. While some of us have incredibly exciting and new things happening in our lives, some of us are struggling to get by. And sometimes I wonder why people have to struggle, or why they have to hurt. And then I remember John 9: 1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? Neither, this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I do not think that we have to struggle because of sins that we have committed. What I do know, is this, God will help us in times of trouble. We just have to put all of our faith in him. Each of us is going through something different in our lives. Some of us are on top, while others believe they have hit rock bottom. It is important to remember that in either instance, we must rest in Him and know that all we have is His and that he will provide for us and get us through the rough times.

I am thankful for the time we had yesterday and thankful that God spoke to me in that couple hours we spent together. I am thankful for the reminder that we all have a story and I need to take more time to listen to what others are going through.

An Unexpected Turn of Events.

On April 22nd, I wrote about my last day at Starbucks. Such a scary time to begin a new chapter in life. I was safe in my little Starbucks bubble for almost five years. Starbucks was a comfort for me. I knew that no matter where I went, I would have a job. I could go into a Starbucks in any unfamiliar place and as soon as I smelled that smell, the feeling of home would come over me. Towards the end of my time at Starbucks though, I came to realize that it was time to step outside of my comfort zone and rely on something or someone rather, who could offer me the sense of belonging and home that Starbucks never could.

I thought for sure I would love my new job. Getting to dress up every day and have my own desk. Weekends off. Yeah... this is the life of a REAL adult. As time went on, I realized I was still not content with the way things were going. I began to listen to sermons all day long while I was at work and started to spend more time talking to God. Reading the bible and really seeking what it was that he wanted me to do. Finally, God spoke to me. It was not a loud voice coming from above that gave me a list of what I was supposed to do, but more of a "eh ehm.... is this really what you think I put you here for?"

For almost 9 months, I had felt so far from God. I began to feel angry with him. Like no matter what I did, he was not going to give me what I thought I deserved. He was never going to give me a husband. He was never going to give me the job I had always dreamed of. He was never going to speak to me the way I saw him speaking to other women that I went to church with. I began to feel envy. I wondered what I had done that made God take these things away from me. It was not until late this summer that I realized... God does not leave us so much as we leave or stray away from him. What always brings me back though, is 1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with and inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." This passage always reminds me that sometimes God is silent. He is not always going to speak to us and show us exactly what he wants us to do and when. I truly believe that he wants us to seek him and seek out his plan for us. So that is just what I did.

As soon as I realized that I was not doing what God had put me on this earth to do, I began to try to figure out the path I was supposed to take. I think I knew all along, but was too afraid to take the plunge. So I entertained the idea of going to night school... but still, God told me "no Erin, not school. Yes, you will get your degree in education, but you will not be a teacher. You are going to serve me and use your gift of compassion". So I sat down and prayed and finally God told me, through other people and their experiences, but also his loud booming voice spoke to me during prayers. God told me to apply for a DTS. And as I spoke with a friends Dad, God gave me the nudge to also consider getting my education degree from the University of Nations.

So, I accepted his plan and wondered how on earth would I convince my family that taking that much time off of work would be a wise decision. And when I say time off of work, I am talking like up to four years. How will I make money? How will I afford school? Money is such a stressful thing to me, but God just keeps telling me that he is going to provide. That I should no worry about money. And as I tell each family member about this choice that God has led me to, I am overwhelmed by the support I am getting. Everyone has encouraged me and helped me feel more confident in this decision and God's ability to provide.

I am so excited to see what happens! I know that if I do not get in, he will have other plans for me. No matter what it is, I know he is going to teach me how to use my spiritual gifts and how I can serve him in my everyday life.

I was lent a book by my pastors wife called Kisses from Katie. I came across something she said that totally stuck out to me... "I thought of how, after a long, hard day in my previous life, I would have crashed on the couch with a pint of ice cream, a good sappy movie, and my closes girlfriends. Here, at the end of a long, hard day, there was nothing to do by cry out to Jesus for the strength to go on."

That is what I want. I want to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I want to learn to be bold for HIM. I want to show others HIS love. I want to cry out to Jesus and rely on HIM daily to get me through. And in the process, if I can touch just one person, it will be worth all of the pain and struggles I am about to endure. I have been given this one life. It was given to me by God. I am SAVED through Jesus Christ and I want everyone to know what he has done not only for me, but for all of us if we chose to accept that gift.

So begins something amazing in my life. This blog post is long and does not even cover half of what I want to get out. I cannot promise that I will write more, but I can promise that my life is about to change drastically and I hope to continue to document what happens. Even if I am the only one that ever reads this.

I will leave with this verse... 1 Peter 4:10 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."

The End of an Era

Yesterday marked the end of a nearly five year career with Starbucks. It is hard to believe that I no longer work there. In fact, I don't think it will actually sink in until tomorrow when I head to my new job. I remember how excited I was when I got hired at Starbucks. I thought it was the coolest job ever. I remember my first day and doing my first impressions. Hearing all about the company and doing my first ever coffee tasting. I was tasting Tanzania. I was most afraid to take orders over the headset. I thought that there was no way I would ever learn everything or be quick on bar. Now it is almost five years later and just about everything of that job has become second nature. I find myself accidently reaching for the "b" button on my headset when I am at home and trying to talk to people, only to realize that I am not at work. Or answering my phone "thanks for choosing Starbucks". It is definitely going to be an adjustment not working there. I knew I would not be there forever, but it is still sad to leave. I have made some really amazing friends in the years that I have worked there. However, I am excited for this new journey. I am ready to have weekends off and actually get to see my family. It will be such a nice feeling to go to church on Sunday evenings and not feel exhausted from being up since 4. I know this is the change God wants for me, its just hard to put myself back into the "newbie" role and start completely over. I know it will be a great change for me. I know that I am moving forward in my life and that is very exciting. So while I close the doors on one chapter of my life, I am looking forward to starting the next chapter and seeing what it is God is going to bring my way!

Until Next Time..

Time to rethink this blog...

I started this blog mostly for myself. I wanted an outlet to write. As I have come to realize, I am not a great writer. I do not use big words. But I do have things to say. I am a person with real feelings. There are some real things going on in my life and I think it is important to talk about them. So while I think of new names for this blog, I will at least create a new theme for what I want to talk about.

First things first,  I have prayed and prayed about where God wants me. Oregon? Montana? What is the verdict? Well, I feel that God has told me to stay in Montana. For whatever reason, I do not know. All I can say is that he has something planned for me here. So for now, I am staying in Montana. And I am so happy to say that I know I am making the right choice in staying here.

Some of my earlier posts were written in a very dark and depressed stage. I was not feeling great because of an ankle sprain that had me laid up for weeks. Nobody would feel good about themselves or their life if they had numerous hours to sit around and contemplate life and where they were. However, I am happy to say that i have snapped right out of that. I am much happier now. I am learning to trust that God has a plan for me and for my life. I know now that he will help me learn from each and every circumstance in my life. I am thankful for that opportunity.

I want to be positive in this blog. I do know that the biggest thing going on with me is trusting God to bring "Mr. Right" into my life. So there is a good chance that I will talk about that often. But I want to have a positive outlook on it. I want to be able to encourage other singles out there that God really has chosen someone for each and every one of us. Someone that is better than we ever could have imagined they would be. I am so excited to see who that is for me and for my friends and family.

I have spent a lot of time praying for change in my life and for direction. And I feel like God has delivered. I am not sure what will happen in the next year, but what I do know is that he has some serious curve balls headed my way. For the first time in my life, I can say that I am incredibly excited to see what it could be. I am finally open to change and to following the Lord in any way that I can. So all I have to say is.... BRING IT ON!

I certainly will try to write more often. And if anyone decides to follow this blog, I hope that what I talk about will help you out or encourage you. But for now, I must get some rest.

Goodnight.

It's Coming on Christmas..

Well, it is that time of year again. December 3rd and I already feel as if Christmas is over. It seems to come and go quicker every year. As I look back on my childhood and think about past Christmas', I have so many wonderful memories. Waking up December 1st and knowing... ITS TIME TO START DECORATING! My mom would fill the house with cinnamon candles, home made decorations and what seemed like thousands of poinsettia's. I remember her pulling out this ceramic tree with these little plastic pins that would illuminate when you plugged them in. Every year she said the same thing, "Erin, do you know who made this tree?" I would always respond with "Oma?" as if I was not totally sure. My mom would be singing Christmas songs and the one I remember hearing the most was the famous duet by Bing Crosby and David Bowie... Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth. She always told me that Opa used to sing it to her when she was younger. Those stories still don't get old. I remember every year we would Christmas shop and my brother and I would decorate our rooms with lights and small trees and homemade wreathes and stockings on our doors. It was perfect. Every Christmas Eve, we would get dressed up and go to church. My favorite service. Always touching and the fact that it was a candle lit service made it extra special. Then we would load up in the car and go look at lights before heading home. Once we were home we would have summer sausage, cheese and crackers and now our new tradition... pizza. Before heading to bed, we would open one gift to hold us over until morning. And as you can guess... we would go to bed and lay awake anticipating what Santa had left for us. Christmas morning came and I remember my brother and I would BOLT out to the living room. We would anxiously await as we heard mom start the coffee pot and put in the cinnamon rolls. Finally the coffee is ready and she would take a cup into my dad.... and then... slowly.... he would roll out of bed. Nick and I were about to burst at this point. But before we could open presents, we had to read the Christmas Story. AND THEN FINALLY.... it was time to open gifts. We always got the neatest things. I remember one year we wanted a trampoline so bad. Our cousins had one, so we figured we should too. But since we were in the middle of a remodel, we could not afford a big one. So my mom rolls in a small, red exercise trampoline. And you know what? It was perfect. We loved that thing. I loved everything about Christmas back then.

Lately, it just seems like Christmas is more of a hassle than anything. Nobody decorates like they used to. You drive through neighborhoods to see lights, and you are lucky if even half the street is decorated. School is now required to call it "Winter Break" because they have to be politically correct. People go in debt in order to buy gifts for people they don't even want to buy for. I am struggling myself this year financially. I wont be able to buy for the people closest to me and it is killing me. But at the same time, it has really forced me to get back to the roots of Christmas. I am remembering all of these things from years past and it almost makes me sad to see what Christmas has become. Has it always been this way? Was my mom just so good at making every Christmas so special that I didn't realize how much of a hassle people seem to think it is? I sure hope not. While the presents are nice, it's not what Christmas is about. I love to see the lights and the decorations and it makes me sad when people don't get into the spirit, but I have to remind myself, that is not the most important thing. I wish that everyone including myself could take time to step out of the stores and remember why we celebrate CHRISTmas. The birth of Jesus Christ. Our saviour. We need to be celebrating him, his life and what he came to earth for. And we need to slow it down and enjoy time with our family. That time is limited. It is so precious and I want to look back on my life and be glad that I spent quality time with my family. I really hope that people will take a step back, slow down and just enjoy this holiday season. Stop worrying about money and grab your family, some mugs filled with hot cocoa and pop in a classic Christmas movie. I have every intention on making this Christmas count. I hope you do too.

Home.Sweet.Home

Well, I have officially been in Oregon for four days. I am sitting in the living room having my morning cup of coffee and just staring at the light drizzle coming down outside the window. I have said it before and I will say it again.... ahhhhh the Northwest! I am in love. I am struggling, because being here reminds me of how much I love this place. Not Gresham necessarily, but Oregon and what is here. My parents, siblings, grandparents and friends. It is hard to not want to just stay here. It did make me realize, however, that I do want to be close to my parents when I decide to settle down, get married and have children. With that said, I think my Montana days are numbered. I am not planning on getting married tomorrow, heck, I can't even think of a guy I would want to be with forever as of right now. But I do want to establish myself again. Find an apartment. Transfer to another Starbucks and hopefully get promoted sooner. The thing about living where there are more than one Starbucks, is that the possibilities of getting promoted are much greater.

It has been so nice to get to spend time with family. It really makes me appreciate them so much. I am one lucky girl to be surrounded by so many people that I love. I could not be happier. Or so I thought.

I got the best news yesterday! Laura and Bre will both be here next week! I get to see two of my best friends while I am  here!! I am overjoyed! I have not seen either of them in so long. It was Christmas the last time I saw Laura and June when I saw Bre. Another plus to moving back home, I will get to see them whenever they come back home. Which would be so nice to not be in Montana missing the time when everyone has come home and I am still there.

Now don't get me wrong. I love Montana. I love my family and that I get to see them every day. I love the church I am involved in. Sometimes I am scared that if I move back, I will not be involved or I will not go to church as often as I do. I know that I will have to push myself. I know that I will miss a lot of people and things about Montana. Mostly, my aunt, uncle and cousins. But I have just really realized how important it is to be close to family.

Enough about that. I just had to get my thoughts out I think. Time to get moving and get ready. On the agenda for today, shopping and pedicures with my mom! Its going to be great! That is all for now!

Nothin' beats Oregon in the fall

Yup, I said it! Which means of course, that I am in Oregon! After a looooong and uncomfortable train ride, I arrived at Portland Union Station this morning at 10:25. I slept on and off through most of the ride until around 8:30. I finally decided to look out the window and take in the Northwest. I was taken back by the beauty! There were so many amazing colors. Green and yellow and orange and red! AH! It was amazing! I found myself totally lost and just staring out the window. I really didnt notice anything going on around me. As I looked up onto the hills, the tops of the trees were covered in fog. It looked almost...dare  I say... Twilighty. Another thing to love about the Northwest.

As I stepped off the train, I was instantly hit by the smell... if you are from here, then you know what I am talking about. That smell that comes right before the rain hits the ground. I just stood there and took in a huge sniff! I didnt care who was looking. Nobody could take that moment from me. The air was crisp and cool and evertyhing was perfect.

I called my mom to let her know I had made it and she was running a little behind, so I decided to head into the staiton and look around. There is not much to it, but Union Station is pretty cool. Kind of historical. I sat on a bench and watched people for a while before I decided that I was in desperate need for a caffiene fix. I grabbed a double tall white mocha and went out front. You know your in Portland when the first thing you hear outside is a symphony of car horns, street sweepers and sirens. For some reason, it made me feel right at home. I was pretty much in heaven.

The first person to come up to me outside was an older gentleman. Probably late 40's I'd say. He was selling news papers for the homeless. I opted out on buying one and went back to reading my book. About twenty minutes later he sat on a bench next to the one I was sitting on. He pulled out a baggie with a sandwhich in it and a bottle of some Dr. Pepper knock off. As he helped himself to his lunch, I could not help but feel a tug at my heartstrings. My mom always tells me I am too compasionate, and it is times like these that make me think she is right. I have a hard time watching people eat alone. It makes me wonder what their story is. Why they are alone. Have they lost a loved one? Have they ever had a loved one to eat with? So many things run through my head, but today all that ran through  my head was to pray for him. So I did. I prayed that God would bless this man that I didnt know. I asked God that if he was homeless as well, that he would find a place to live. I just prayed for a while until the tears dried up. Then I looked up and my mom was there. We loaded the car with my bags and as I was getting in, I looked over and the man smiled at me. I said to him "have a really great day" and he said "well thank you, you have a good day as well." I hopped in the car and he was standing right in my view and nodded at me. I feel like this was God saying "Hey Erin, he is surely going to be blessed today". It just gave me an overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be okay.

So, that is my first hour in Oregon. I hope that man is  blessed today. I hope everyone is blessed today. I know I am and I cannot wait to see what other awesome things happen on this trip!