You Never Let Go

As I was driving home from youth group last night, I was filled with questions for God. He had not been speaking quite as clearly the last week. I knew he was there, but I just had to talk to him and pour out my heart.

I was overwhelmed with sorrow for a particular couple from church who is going through something I would never wish on anyone. I began to sob while I asked God why these things happen to such great people. "Why God?" I kept begging that he would help this couple to rely on him through this time and to that they would become stronger as a couple and be what each other needs. I prayed that they would seek him in this time and also remember him when things get better. Suddenly God said "be quiet and listen". So I wiped my tears and listened. And as soon as I did I heard the words "Oh no, you never let go. Through the CALM and through the STORM". There it was. God's voice was speaking to me through KLOVE.

Right when I think "hey, I have not heard from you today", he reminds me that it is because I have not called out to him. And as soon as I did, he reminded me that he is there. Always. In good times and bad. That is his promise to us. And I know that while this couple is struggling, God will continue to do amazing things through them. He will help them use this pain to comfort others just as he has comforted them.

A Little Hot Beverage and a Whole Lotta God!

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going over to my pastors house to have warm drinks and conversation with his wife and some women from our e3 service.  I was excited for the opportunity to get to know some of these women I see every sunday a little bit better.

It is becoming more apparent to me each day that God has bigger plans than I can imagine. I have spent so much time lately thinking about the changes that God is throwing my way and all the exciting things to come. I tend to forget what God is doing in other people's lives. As I listened to all that was going on around me, I heard the different ways that God was working through these women and their families. One woman talked about how she and her husband are looking to start a home for children in the foster system that have attachment issues. Another woman talked about how she and her husband were in the process of adopting. I listened to the excitement coming from both of them. Both so excited to see how God was going to change their lives completely. But I could not ignore the women who were hurting. While some of us have incredibly exciting and new things happening in our lives, some of us are struggling to get by. And sometimes I wonder why people have to struggle, or why they have to hurt. And then I remember John 9: 1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? Neither, this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I do not think that we have to struggle because of sins that we have committed. What I do know, is this, God will help us in times of trouble. We just have to put all of our faith in him. Each of us is going through something different in our lives. Some of us are on top, while others believe they have hit rock bottom. It is important to remember that in either instance, we must rest in Him and know that all we have is His and that he will provide for us and get us through the rough times.

I am thankful for the time we had yesterday and thankful that God spoke to me in that couple hours we spent together. I am thankful for the reminder that we all have a story and I need to take more time to listen to what others are going through.

An Unexpected Turn of Events.

On April 22nd, I wrote about my last day at Starbucks. Such a scary time to begin a new chapter in life. I was safe in my little Starbucks bubble for almost five years. Starbucks was a comfort for me. I knew that no matter where I went, I would have a job. I could go into a Starbucks in any unfamiliar place and as soon as I smelled that smell, the feeling of home would come over me. Towards the end of my time at Starbucks though, I came to realize that it was time to step outside of my comfort zone and rely on something or someone rather, who could offer me the sense of belonging and home that Starbucks never could.

I thought for sure I would love my new job. Getting to dress up every day and have my own desk. Weekends off. Yeah... this is the life of a REAL adult. As time went on, I realized I was still not content with the way things were going. I began to listen to sermons all day long while I was at work and started to spend more time talking to God. Reading the bible and really seeking what it was that he wanted me to do. Finally, God spoke to me. It was not a loud voice coming from above that gave me a list of what I was supposed to do, but more of a "eh ehm.... is this really what you think I put you here for?"

For almost 9 months, I had felt so far from God. I began to feel angry with him. Like no matter what I did, he was not going to give me what I thought I deserved. He was never going to give me a husband. He was never going to give me the job I had always dreamed of. He was never going to speak to me the way I saw him speaking to other women that I went to church with. I began to feel envy. I wondered what I had done that made God take these things away from me. It was not until late this summer that I realized... God does not leave us so much as we leave or stray away from him. What always brings me back though, is 1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with and inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." This passage always reminds me that sometimes God is silent. He is not always going to speak to us and show us exactly what he wants us to do and when. I truly believe that he wants us to seek him and seek out his plan for us. So that is just what I did.

As soon as I realized that I was not doing what God had put me on this earth to do, I began to try to figure out the path I was supposed to take. I think I knew all along, but was too afraid to take the plunge. So I entertained the idea of going to night school... but still, God told me "no Erin, not school. Yes, you will get your degree in education, but you will not be a teacher. You are going to serve me and use your gift of compassion". So I sat down and prayed and finally God told me, through other people and their experiences, but also his loud booming voice spoke to me during prayers. God told me to apply for a DTS. And as I spoke with a friends Dad, God gave me the nudge to also consider getting my education degree from the University of Nations.

So, I accepted his plan and wondered how on earth would I convince my family that taking that much time off of work would be a wise decision. And when I say time off of work, I am talking like up to four years. How will I make money? How will I afford school? Money is such a stressful thing to me, but God just keeps telling me that he is going to provide. That I should no worry about money. And as I tell each family member about this choice that God has led me to, I am overwhelmed by the support I am getting. Everyone has encouraged me and helped me feel more confident in this decision and God's ability to provide.

I am so excited to see what happens! I know that if I do not get in, he will have other plans for me. No matter what it is, I know he is going to teach me how to use my spiritual gifts and how I can serve him in my everyday life.

I was lent a book by my pastors wife called Kisses from Katie. I came across something she said that totally stuck out to me... "I thought of how, after a long, hard day in my previous life, I would have crashed on the couch with a pint of ice cream, a good sappy movie, and my closes girlfriends. Here, at the end of a long, hard day, there was nothing to do by cry out to Jesus for the strength to go on."

That is what I want. I want to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I want to learn to be bold for HIM. I want to show others HIS love. I want to cry out to Jesus and rely on HIM daily to get me through. And in the process, if I can touch just one person, it will be worth all of the pain and struggles I am about to endure. I have been given this one life. It was given to me by God. I am SAVED through Jesus Christ and I want everyone to know what he has done not only for me, but for all of us if we chose to accept that gift.

So begins something amazing in my life. This blog post is long and does not even cover half of what I want to get out. I cannot promise that I will write more, but I can promise that my life is about to change drastically and I hope to continue to document what happens. Even if I am the only one that ever reads this.

I will leave with this verse... 1 Peter 4:10 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."