You Never Let Go

As I was driving home from youth group last night, I was filled with questions for God. He had not been speaking quite as clearly the last week. I knew he was there, but I just had to talk to him and pour out my heart.

I was overwhelmed with sorrow for a particular couple from church who is going through something I would never wish on anyone. I began to sob while I asked God why these things happen to such great people. "Why God?" I kept begging that he would help this couple to rely on him through this time and to that they would become stronger as a couple and be what each other needs. I prayed that they would seek him in this time and also remember him when things get better. Suddenly God said "be quiet and listen". So I wiped my tears and listened. And as soon as I did I heard the words "Oh no, you never let go. Through the CALM and through the STORM". There it was. God's voice was speaking to me through KLOVE.

Right when I think "hey, I have not heard from you today", he reminds me that it is because I have not called out to him. And as soon as I did, he reminded me that he is there. Always. In good times and bad. That is his promise to us. And I know that while this couple is struggling, God will continue to do amazing things through them. He will help them use this pain to comfort others just as he has comforted them.

A Little Hot Beverage and a Whole Lotta God!

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going over to my pastors house to have warm drinks and conversation with his wife and some women from our e3 service.  I was excited for the opportunity to get to know some of these women I see every sunday a little bit better.

It is becoming more apparent to me each day that God has bigger plans than I can imagine. I have spent so much time lately thinking about the changes that God is throwing my way and all the exciting things to come. I tend to forget what God is doing in other people's lives. As I listened to all that was going on around me, I heard the different ways that God was working through these women and their families. One woman talked about how she and her husband are looking to start a home for children in the foster system that have attachment issues. Another woman talked about how she and her husband were in the process of adopting. I listened to the excitement coming from both of them. Both so excited to see how God was going to change their lives completely. But I could not ignore the women who were hurting. While some of us have incredibly exciting and new things happening in our lives, some of us are struggling to get by. And sometimes I wonder why people have to struggle, or why they have to hurt. And then I remember John 9: 1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? Neither, this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I do not think that we have to struggle because of sins that we have committed. What I do know, is this, God will help us in times of trouble. We just have to put all of our faith in him. Each of us is going through something different in our lives. Some of us are on top, while others believe they have hit rock bottom. It is important to remember that in either instance, we must rest in Him and know that all we have is His and that he will provide for us and get us through the rough times.

I am thankful for the time we had yesterday and thankful that God spoke to me in that couple hours we spent together. I am thankful for the reminder that we all have a story and I need to take more time to listen to what others are going through.

An Unexpected Turn of Events.

On April 22nd, I wrote about my last day at Starbucks. Such a scary time to begin a new chapter in life. I was safe in my little Starbucks bubble for almost five years. Starbucks was a comfort for me. I knew that no matter where I went, I would have a job. I could go into a Starbucks in any unfamiliar place and as soon as I smelled that smell, the feeling of home would come over me. Towards the end of my time at Starbucks though, I came to realize that it was time to step outside of my comfort zone and rely on something or someone rather, who could offer me the sense of belonging and home that Starbucks never could.

I thought for sure I would love my new job. Getting to dress up every day and have my own desk. Weekends off. Yeah... this is the life of a REAL adult. As time went on, I realized I was still not content with the way things were going. I began to listen to sermons all day long while I was at work and started to spend more time talking to God. Reading the bible and really seeking what it was that he wanted me to do. Finally, God spoke to me. It was not a loud voice coming from above that gave me a list of what I was supposed to do, but more of a "eh ehm.... is this really what you think I put you here for?"

For almost 9 months, I had felt so far from God. I began to feel angry with him. Like no matter what I did, he was not going to give me what I thought I deserved. He was never going to give me a husband. He was never going to give me the job I had always dreamed of. He was never going to speak to me the way I saw him speaking to other women that I went to church with. I began to feel envy. I wondered what I had done that made God take these things away from me. It was not until late this summer that I realized... God does not leave us so much as we leave or stray away from him. What always brings me back though, is 1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with and inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." This passage always reminds me that sometimes God is silent. He is not always going to speak to us and show us exactly what he wants us to do and when. I truly believe that he wants us to seek him and seek out his plan for us. So that is just what I did.

As soon as I realized that I was not doing what God had put me on this earth to do, I began to try to figure out the path I was supposed to take. I think I knew all along, but was too afraid to take the plunge. So I entertained the idea of going to night school... but still, God told me "no Erin, not school. Yes, you will get your degree in education, but you will not be a teacher. You are going to serve me and use your gift of compassion". So I sat down and prayed and finally God told me, through other people and their experiences, but also his loud booming voice spoke to me during prayers. God told me to apply for a DTS. And as I spoke with a friends Dad, God gave me the nudge to also consider getting my education degree from the University of Nations.

So, I accepted his plan and wondered how on earth would I convince my family that taking that much time off of work would be a wise decision. And when I say time off of work, I am talking like up to four years. How will I make money? How will I afford school? Money is such a stressful thing to me, but God just keeps telling me that he is going to provide. That I should no worry about money. And as I tell each family member about this choice that God has led me to, I am overwhelmed by the support I am getting. Everyone has encouraged me and helped me feel more confident in this decision and God's ability to provide.

I am so excited to see what happens! I know that if I do not get in, he will have other plans for me. No matter what it is, I know he is going to teach me how to use my spiritual gifts and how I can serve him in my everyday life.

I was lent a book by my pastors wife called Kisses from Katie. I came across something she said that totally stuck out to me... "I thought of how, after a long, hard day in my previous life, I would have crashed on the couch with a pint of ice cream, a good sappy movie, and my closes girlfriends. Here, at the end of a long, hard day, there was nothing to do by cry out to Jesus for the strength to go on."

That is what I want. I want to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I want to learn to be bold for HIM. I want to show others HIS love. I want to cry out to Jesus and rely on HIM daily to get me through. And in the process, if I can touch just one person, it will be worth all of the pain and struggles I am about to endure. I have been given this one life. It was given to me by God. I am SAVED through Jesus Christ and I want everyone to know what he has done not only for me, but for all of us if we chose to accept that gift.

So begins something amazing in my life. This blog post is long and does not even cover half of what I want to get out. I cannot promise that I will write more, but I can promise that my life is about to change drastically and I hope to continue to document what happens. Even if I am the only one that ever reads this.

I will leave with this verse... 1 Peter 4:10 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."

The End of an Era

Yesterday marked the end of a nearly five year career with Starbucks. It is hard to believe that I no longer work there. In fact, I don't think it will actually sink in until tomorrow when I head to my new job. I remember how excited I was when I got hired at Starbucks. I thought it was the coolest job ever. I remember my first day and doing my first impressions. Hearing all about the company and doing my first ever coffee tasting. I was tasting Tanzania. I was most afraid to take orders over the headset. I thought that there was no way I would ever learn everything or be quick on bar. Now it is almost five years later and just about everything of that job has become second nature. I find myself accidently reaching for the "b" button on my headset when I am at home and trying to talk to people, only to realize that I am not at work. Or answering my phone "thanks for choosing Starbucks". It is definitely going to be an adjustment not working there. I knew I would not be there forever, but it is still sad to leave. I have made some really amazing friends in the years that I have worked there. However, I am excited for this new journey. I am ready to have weekends off and actually get to see my family. It will be such a nice feeling to go to church on Sunday evenings and not feel exhausted from being up since 4. I know this is the change God wants for me, its just hard to put myself back into the "newbie" role and start completely over. I know it will be a great change for me. I know that I am moving forward in my life and that is very exciting. So while I close the doors on one chapter of my life, I am looking forward to starting the next chapter and seeing what it is God is going to bring my way!

Until Next Time..

Time to rethink this blog...

I started this blog mostly for myself. I wanted an outlet to write. As I have come to realize, I am not a great writer. I do not use big words. But I do have things to say. I am a person with real feelings. There are some real things going on in my life and I think it is important to talk about them. So while I think of new names for this blog, I will at least create a new theme for what I want to talk about.

First things first,  I have prayed and prayed about where God wants me. Oregon? Montana? What is the verdict? Well, I feel that God has told me to stay in Montana. For whatever reason, I do not know. All I can say is that he has something planned for me here. So for now, I am staying in Montana. And I am so happy to say that I know I am making the right choice in staying here.

Some of my earlier posts were written in a very dark and depressed stage. I was not feeling great because of an ankle sprain that had me laid up for weeks. Nobody would feel good about themselves or their life if they had numerous hours to sit around and contemplate life and where they were. However, I am happy to say that i have snapped right out of that. I am much happier now. I am learning to trust that God has a plan for me and for my life. I know now that he will help me learn from each and every circumstance in my life. I am thankful for that opportunity.

I want to be positive in this blog. I do know that the biggest thing going on with me is trusting God to bring "Mr. Right" into my life. So there is a good chance that I will talk about that often. But I want to have a positive outlook on it. I want to be able to encourage other singles out there that God really has chosen someone for each and every one of us. Someone that is better than we ever could have imagined they would be. I am so excited to see who that is for me and for my friends and family.

I have spent a lot of time praying for change in my life and for direction. And I feel like God has delivered. I am not sure what will happen in the next year, but what I do know is that he has some serious curve balls headed my way. For the first time in my life, I can say that I am incredibly excited to see what it could be. I am finally open to change and to following the Lord in any way that I can. So all I have to say is.... BRING IT ON!

I certainly will try to write more often. And if anyone decides to follow this blog, I hope that what I talk about will help you out or encourage you. But for now, I must get some rest.

Goodnight.